If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's blow job season.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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