So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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