Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
