If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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