We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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