its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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