so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
