You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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