Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
