i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
