i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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