Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
