You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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