America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
