if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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