We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
