I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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