you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
