I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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