You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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