Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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