dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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