If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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