Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
