i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
