well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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