Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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