i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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