yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
