He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
