Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Randomize
