so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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