I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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