32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FUCK WHALES
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
