I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Four minutes until I can fart!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
