I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
