Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
