all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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