Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
