I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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