dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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