i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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