i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I believe in your delicious
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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