I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My ass is underappreciated
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
