So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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