So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
