butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
