I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
