I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
