Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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